Define Your Dating Values

What stage are you at in your current relationship — and how would you define the stages?

Below is a starting map, not the truth. Rewrite what’s owed at each stage in your own words, add or remove stages, drag ⣿ to reorder — then tap we’re here on the one that matches. You’ll sort the actual behaviors right after.

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The stages

▸what's reasonably owed at each step — tap a stage

Stranger / acquaintance▸courtesy

Owed: basic respect and honesty in dealings

Not owed: access, explanations, or any say in each other’s lives

Single▸your own standards

Owed: honesty with yourself about what you’re looking for; the standards you practice now are the ones you’ll bring in

Not owed: anyone an account of your choices

Friend▸reliability

Owed: truth-telling, reliability, care for their good

Not owed: romantic consideration, or an account of your other relationships

Dating▸honesty about intentions

Owed: kindness, honesty about your intentions and about seeing other people — both freedoms stay intact

Not owed: exclusivity-level claims on time, friends, or habits

Exclusive dating▸faithfulness to what was agreed

Owed: faithfulness to the agreement, a full hearing when something lands wrong, honesty unprompted, low-cost accommodations — a heads-up, an open invite, transparency

Not owed: restructuring your life, or partner-level say in it

Boyfriend / girlfriend▸a chosen partner

Owed: proactive reduction of avoidable ambiguity, bigger accommodations willingly made, circles starting to integrate

Not owed: full merger of money, living, and family decisions — that’s engaged

Engaged▸planning one life

Owed: major decisions made jointly, boundaries with outsiders set as a team, families and futures negotiated together

Not owed: the finality of vows — either of you can still walk away

Married▸leave and cleave

Owed: the relationship outranks outside claims — full mutual say in what could threaten it, full mutual duty to protect it

Not owed: tap to write your own…

Curate the wheel together, once — so you’re both sorting the same set. Toggle categories off to park them, ✕ a behavior to park it, tap a name to rename, add your own.

Dropping parks, never deletes · renames are cosmetic · custom categories and behaviors flow into the sort and the comparison exactly like seeded ones.

💡 Tip Too much, too soon = expecting a later stage’s consideration now. · Too little, too late = still giving an earlier stage’s consideration after moving on. Most misalignment between partners is one of these two — keep them in mind as you place each behavior.

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The comparison

conversation starters, not scores

0 matched 0 one stage apart 0 far apart 0 ⚑ heavyweight

Once both of you have placed a few behaviors, the comparison builds itself here.

▸Review board — both halves, every stage

Everything starts pre-placed at a neutral default — values and their behaviors begin at Exclusive, partner-priority items at Bf/Gf, life-integration at Engaged, and everything carries forward automatically. The defaults are scaffolding, not advice: your only job is to correct your half. Drag anything to where you think it starts · tap ⊘ on a carried copy where it should stop · ✕ anything you don’t think belongs at all · tap a chip to raise its weight. Blue half is Me, purple is Them.

blue side = MeThem = purple side

Define your dating values

What stage are you at in your current relationship — and how would you define the stages?

The stages

The comparison